Je t'aime.

XOXO Heather L. Locker

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~ Friday, September 5 ~
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The bruise you’ve left turns a spectrum of colors I wasn’t sure I could see anymore. I keep poking at it to make sure I’m still capable of feeling.


~ Friday, August 23 ~
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I feel so guilty after trolling Pinterest for hours on end. It’s my domestic jerk-off I cant cleanse myself of. I clear my history to spare the embarassment of my boyfriend wondering why I looked at 40 images of “Money saving wedding tricks using twine, mason jars and dirt”. Do I need to know how to make champagne glass charms out of twist ties? NO. I DONT GIVE A FUCK. Yet, these soft lit images and fanciful typography lure me in every goddamn time. 


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~ Wednesday, October 12 ~
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You are not a writer, a poet, a model nor a photographer. You are a Tumblr spamming, hipstamatic addict with a webcam and are about as deep as a kiddie pool. You are not your fucking fashion frames, you are not your “vintage” oxfords….


2 notes
~ Saturday, September 18 ~
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I’ll sleep when I’m dead.


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~ Wednesday, September 15 ~
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I am a lascivious little treat, a lecherous little fucker; clawing, begging, calling out for more. Bogged down with an insatiable appetite for all that I cannot call my own, I crave skin-on-skin, bitten-lip nights underneath the city lights. I found home 2,803.9 miles away from where I sit at this very moment. New York, New York.


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~ Tuesday, July 27 ~
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My life, the revolving door.

I sit here and watch the same shitty people come and go, breaking me down to bits and rebuilding me with false hope.

People are terrible.


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~ Friday, March 12 ~
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There comes a point when the chase just isn’t worth it anymore. You can run in circles for days, weeks, a lifetime; wear your shoes down to dust. Hell, I often find myself forgetting what I was chasing after in the first place.


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~ Friday, February 19 ~
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Dear Rogier,

I decided since neither one of us can land a semi-perminant fuck buddy (aka “significant other”), that you and I should just cut the bullshit and get hitched. I too have spent countless hours in the gym after my last break-up. I’ve slimmmed down quite a bit, apparently guys like the feeling of fucking a chain link fence; I can grate cheese on my ribs. I think we’d be perfect together.We can drink ourselves stupid and leave voicemails on Sterner’s machine of us crying & begging her to come over; naked. Nevermind the dad issues, the age gap is perfect. I look forward to making this happen!

-Heather


6 notes
~ Sunday, February 14 ~
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Everyone deserves love without terms & conditions. No fine print.

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~ Wednesday, February 10 ~
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Where do I see myself in 20 years?

I see myself 40 and fabulous. No really, I’m going to work a shitty 9-5 job for which I will be overqualified and underpaid. I will have a treadmill which I will walk on nightly as I bitch and moan about my menial life (via Bluetooth) to my estranged ex-husband. I will watch re-runs of Sex in The City and I will fill the void of designer duds in my closet with mismarked seperates from Lane Bryant. I’ll read the sex articles in cosmo and bookmark all of the positions I’ll never try, because I’m not nearly flexible enough; also because the only guy who’d get within ten feet of me at this point is my scrawny little assistant. At some point, I will probably throw my stapler at him and pay him off so he won’t report me for sexual harassment when my frustration gets the best of me and I make a pass at him in the copyroom. I will have an amazing apartment, furnished with the finest shelving units and rugs that my cat will insist to yack furballs on; because that’s what they do. Yeah… 40 is going to be great. I’ve had a lot of time to plan this one out.

Always, -H.


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~ Sunday, February 7 ~
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To accept that I will be spending Valentines Day single and bitter, I just stocked up on some Ben & Jerry’s ice cream & bought “Ten Things I Hate About You.”… I am a woman on a mission to always be prepared.


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~ Thursday, February 4 ~
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Bewbs!

I’m going through the casting process of Dr.90210, you know the plastic surgery show on E!  I was told one of the doctor’s expressed interest in me and thought my story would make for an interesting episode. I decided to go for it! The office told me I need to send in a shot of me topless from the front and from the side, so I took them and prepped the e-mail to be sent. Simple yeah? Totally. Hello, my name is Heather Locker, and I like to make simple situations extraordinarily awkward and difficult. I had two tabs open on my browser, two separate e-mails going…. one of which was an e-mail to a company for which I was applying for a job, -the other the Dr.90210 office. Guess which one I attached the photos to? Hello Moog, I hope you enjoy the pixxx! Hire me? FML.


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Feb 4th 2010.

[NSFW] Today I’d like to give a toast to the late night “booty call”. No, I did not partake in this hanky-panky, nor did I do the walk of shame on this otherwise beautiful morning. I did however wake up to a barrage of missed calls and texts from my main man, the one dude I pined over for years and years, the one I longed to get with since the day I laid eyes on him Feb 4th 2006! Four years my friends. I had wanted this boy for so long, but he never seemed interested. I eventually gave up. I went through a couple of relationships and he slowly faded from my memory, until recently. Newly single, a few months back GUESS WHO calls me at 3:32 in the morning. Words cannot describe the feeling of wanting something for FOUR years and having it right there, right next to you. Game on! -from that point on. The chemistry was undeniable. Last night I lay in bed asleep until I felt my phone ringing from the other side of the mattress. Thinking it was my best friend, or maybe even my stupid ex; I glance over at the phone and saw that it was this man (who shall remain nameless). & here’s the weird part people, I didn’t answer. I watched it illuminate and ring and scream “Answer the fucking phone Heather, you know you want it!”, but I didn’t. I can’t explain my reasoning for not taking the call and spending my evening/morning scantily clad with a beautiful boy, other than to say I suddenly felt really guilty. Now why would I feel guilty? C’mon Heather, get it together. Oh yeah that’s right. I’m starting to crush on someone, I can feel the giddy 12 year old girl wearing a sparkly pink blouse inside my head, patiently waiting cross-legged for this boy to come around. This glittery little prick ruined my sex life, keeps my stress level at an all-time high and makes me babble like an idiot around cute boys. So what now? Here I am, Thursday morning sitting in front of a beautiful view of the city, blogging and drinking my coffee. I’m about to go take my medications; never to forget the baby aspirin! as my doctor so kindly reminds me. Back to my routine, back to the boring, to sit and wait and hope for whatever the hell I’m waiting for- to play out.


2 notes
~ Tuesday, February 2 ~
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Sometimes I wish my life was like a bad 90’s romantic comedy. I want to wear solid colored tops, live in the suburbs, and date a boy with a bowl cut.


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~ Sunday, January 31 ~
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Į håVē tèrRïbłè gràmMÀr & ì łoO0vè ît!¡